I love a long drive alone. Ten hours between Nashville and Raleigh give me lots of time to process, remember, imagine.
My sister understands when I say I'm afraid I will always want what I see across the fence. There seems to be something just out of reach - not a goal or achievement, but an intangible deep-soul satisfaction. Occasionally, I find myself in a moment I want to hold, but before the thought is formed, it is behind us, slipping away in the rearview mirror.
I want for nothing, but I want everything.
When busy, I crave solitude. When alone with an empty calendar, I am unwanted, failing and flailing. I sit at a suburban Starbucks, smell cigarette smoke from another table and imagine I am elsewhere - some far-off city, Chicago, New York, San Jose, Costa Rica. Not altogether content to sip my mocha here in North Raleigh, USA.
I drive and my eyes alight on something of Beauty, and the heart burns with a mingling of intense joy & grief together, and I question all of it.
Is it weakness and a disposition toward discontent? I think it is, at times.
At other times, it has to do with an intrinsic understanding of this: We walk a long road home fruited bittersweet. Glory glimpsed roadside stirs a hunger for home that we don't always correctly name in the moment. Instead, we call it "Nostalgia" or "Aspiration."
Souls seek the Unseen through the seeing of our eyes. It's hard to not get hung up on the Seen.
2 Corinthians 4...
Yes, Wordsworth caught my attention with his Ode: Intimations on Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.
Today, I give thanks for the roadside beauty that keeps my feet moving in the direction of the radiant Unseen.