mirrors...

I choose a mirror in a warmly lit room, early evening, lipgloss fresh.  

I choose a mirror that tells me how uniquely fair and lovely I am and agrees with my opinions.  

I choose a mirror that believes I am the best thing since sliced bread.

Not only that, but I ask the mirror constantly what it wants from me:  

What will please you?  Can I make you laugh?

I do not serve the mirror.  (I think I do.)

In truth, 

I serve my ego whose song is: Yes, you love me already.  

    But maybe I can make you love me more?

     Maybe I can be "special" and

     you will will love me a little better than the rest, 

     and that will mean more than your 

regular love.


Dancing and juggling and laughing and nodding are exhausting habits.   When life becomes more complex, they are not only exhausting; they are impossible to do well.  

When I cannot do it well, I feel desperate, despairing, angry.  Now people and circumstances are in my way, wrinkles in my cloak of perfection, and judgment is everywhere.

All shiny surfaces point accusing fingers, whisper disappointment.  


These demands I have demanded, now demand too much of me.


So this morning, I crawled to the river in the early light of dawn.

 and there I saw reflected

        a person I had not seen before 

    but instantly recognized

        a person obsessed with mirrors, ready to be free

    i went in with clothes on

    came out dripping 

    smiling at the knowledge that 

    I am no best thing!    (strange, sweet release!!)

    but I am some thing

    something Loved.

Psalm 37:3-4 

Trust in the Lord and do good...  (not: Trust in your abilities/goodness/good looks and be PERFECT.)

Delight yourself in the Lord...  (not: Delight yourself in people's approval of you)    

Trust in the LORD and do GOOD...DELIGHT yourself in the LORD...!