the long road home (& Glory along the way)
by ChristaWells
I love a long drive alone. Ten hours between Nashville and Raleigh give me lots of time to process, remember, imagine.
My sister understands when I say I’m afraid I will always want what I see across the fence. There seems to be something just out of reach – not a goal or achievement, but an intangible deep-soul satisfaction. Occasionally, I find myself in a moment I want to hold, but before the thought is formed, it is behind us, slipping away in the rearview mirror.
I want for nothing, but I want everything.
When busy, I crave solitude. When alone with an empty calendar, I am unwanted, failing and flailing. I sit at a suburban Starbucks, smell cigarette smoke from another table and imagine I am elsewhere – some far-off city, Chicago, New York, San Jose, Costa Rica. Not altogether content to sip my mocha here in North Raleigh, USA.
I drive and my eyes alight on something of Beauty, and the heart burns with a mingling of intense joy & grief together, and I question all of it.
Is it weakness and a disposition toward discontent? I think it is, at times.
At other times, it has to do with an intrinsic understanding of this: We walk a long road home fruited bittersweet. Glory glimpsed roadside stirs a hunger for home that we don’t always correctly name in the moment. Instead, we call it “Nostalgia” or “Aspiration.”
Souls seek the Unseen through the seeing of our eyes. It’s hard to not get hung up on the Seen.
2 Corinthians 4…
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Yes, Wordsworth caught my attention with his Ode: Intimations on Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.
Today, I give thanks for the roadside beauty that keeps my feet moving in the direction of the radiant Unseen.
Hey…I hope you got the email(from the contact page)…again…I so loved getting to worship with you this past weekend. I would love to walk into HIs presence again with you sometime.
Oh I know this tension…a longing that is of my flesh…I have lived in the land of “not enough” for too long. Counting has helped to me find greater contentment. But don’t you think we will always live with some restlessness…a longing for a connection that will not be full filled until we see Him face to face. I want to grow…to live in the moment with contentness…while living with a deep longing…with a good discontentness because this is not our home.
Again…it was a blessing to get to speak with you…you are just precious.
Hello! Yes, I did read your email and I’m so sorry I’m quite behind (not as unusual as I’d like it to be!). You were a true encouragement that evening and I will treasure your words and your heart. Thank you!
Oh how I could have written this….
I do often have this ache inside my chest…the ache of wanting to hold onto these moments slipping by, and the ache of something….and I am never quite certain of what it is. A feeling of not being quite at home, even when I am.
The ache of really having all I need, but feeling something missing. The ache of just seeing beauty, and the ache of being so thankful to God.
And I think till I am no longer on this earth, till I am home with Him, I shall have this ache…
Your music is so beautiful, thank you
Kristy, thank you for sharing this – it is good to find we all have so much in common…pilgrims side by side. Thank you.