“Even if you can’t take me…”
by ChristaWells
She’s nearly 16, but her face is un-made-up, baby soft. Her way of dressing, her way of carrying herself, not typical of her generation; she is both older and younger than her peers. At one moment she bashfully tucks herself behind her father – and then she can’t help herself, and her mouth opens and eyes search the tops of walls for words.
“I didn’t see how God could accept me…I’m so prideful, sinful, and I thought He might not take me…”
Hands, fingers move in the air and her eyes grow watery and red as the words tumble out…
“But I just thought: there’s nothing else out there. There’s nothing else worth living for. So I told Him: Even if you can’t take me, even if I’m not enough…I’m still going to serve you anyway, because You are the only thing worth living for…”
I was still on my feet, but my spirit wanted to sit down. My eyes were fixed on this beautiful creature standing in front of me, not yet out of the nest, unable to commit heinous crimes or live a life of outward depravity. But she knows her heart and is certain of her unworthiness before a holy God.
But it wasn’t even that…It was the second part:
“Even if you can’t take me…I’m going to serve you anyway.”
Do I feel this way?
Is this the way we live?
Do I give myself to anything, not only not demanding a return…not only not expecting…but believing I do not deserve?
Do we really, really believe that everything is gifted and not earned, grace? “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…” (Ephesians 2:8)
Will we keep making music, art, without awards or recognition?
Will we prepare food if no one expresses gratitude for our efforts?
Will we wash the feet of people who seemingly have nothing to offer us, or people whose company we do not enjoy?
Will we remain faithfully at our post, during seasons where the fruit of our labor is unseen?
Do I agree with this young girl?
With this…
“For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.” (Psalm 84:10)
I want it to be true of me, that I live by this: Even if… yet I will serve you.
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“Even if you can’t take me…”
And her father turned to her and said: “But…you couldn’t feel that way if He hadn’t already taken you.”
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And my heart sang:
Glory to God, Glory to God…my life for the glory of God!
“Anything short of crucifixion is infinite grace bestowed by a loving God on someone utterly unworthy”. – William P. Farley
All is grace! Thanks so much, Christa!
Thank YOU, Trish.
As always, Christa, you have heard from the throne. How He loves us we will never understand until, as Paul said, we will no longer see through a glass dimly, (with the fog and haze distorting our view), but someday will see clearly as face to face, the GLORY OF GOD!! Then, and only then, I think, will we understand such mercy, love, and grace.
Amen to that, Preston. I look forward to that day. SO look forward to that day.
This seems to me to be the central question: “Will we remain faithfully at our post, during seasons where the fruits of our labor is unseen?”
Will we trust where God has placed us and the making in our hands when there is not that balm and building of human recognition?
This is good, good, Christa.
Thank you, Missy. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this Christa. We’ve been in a season of really pouring ourselves out on battlefield where those around us are just fighting to breathe. Your reminder is timely. For the grace I’ve seen at the cross of Christ, and more so in the morning light of the resurrection, may I be found holding nothing back. Blessings to you as I hear your heart longing to do the same.
Dear Martha…
thank you. I am so looking forward to seeing you!
i would love to know more of this story. beautiful. perfect. thank you for sharing, christa!